How Autism Grew my Faith

A new book from Stephanie C. Holmes. Available from Amazon in Kindle and paperback formats.
3 Topics now available on DVD
Stephanie has collected her teachings on Aspie/NT marriage into a 5 part DVD series. Also available is "Moving Beyond Surviving to Thriving: ASD issues that impact marriage & Family" and "Spectrum Teens and the Issues they face".

There are clips of the marriage sessions on youtube:

These videos can be ordered from the Appointments and Products tab.

When Spiritual Leaders Fail You

Numbers 23:19

“God is not a man, that he should lie; neither the son of man, that he should repent: hath he said, and shall he not do it? or hath he spoken, and shall he not make it good?

“All we know is that all things work together for good those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

Soon after my daughter was born in 1998, in the midst of joy after a battle with infertility I was thinking, “Could it get better than this?”

Life was great! Graduate school was done. My part –time job would allow me to bring my baby  to work with me. My husband’s job was going great! Finances were good. Things were moving and happening. I was no longer fearful of what could go wrong or guilty that we were being blessed.

Ah Utopia. Not for long. Let me explain that my husband and I met at our church when we were kids. We were child hood sweethearts and when we were teens it was obvious we would marry.

We had a great church with great staff. We had healed from something painful a previous leader had done to hurt the church before we were married.  It was all good again. Our church was a place of safety and happiness. After a few years of this church bliss, it was evident something was not right. I had discernment about a relationship between a pastor and church member not being appropriate but who dare to accuse a pastor without proof? It was just an intense feeling but I struggled with what to do.  I go to my pastor to set up a date to have my baby dedicated to the Lord before the church body. There was tension between he and another pastor as to who would do the service. We were close to both so it did not matter to us, but the tension over it was strange.  He allowed me to set up the Sunday after Christmas which  I had wanted because my husband’s grandparents were in town for Christmas.

It was awesome- the whole family there to be a part of this special day. It was so special. What was I worried about? Was it just negativity creeping in again? Were things going so well I just imagined something with the pastor and the church member?

The next Sunday the senior pastor stands up and begins reading from 2 Samuel 12- which if you are familiar with the story it is when the Prophet Nathan is confronting David for his affair. As he began to read that story my husband and I knew what he was about to say, my heart sank. He would admit to an affair  and be resigning from his position that day. This was the  pastor who had married my husband and I. This was the man we looked up to as one of integrity. This was the man who 1 week earlier dedicated our child. Shock and stunned and hurt cannot even begin to cover the range of feelings that day.

How was this happening?  This event caused a major pain/hurt/trauma in my life. Not only was he someone I trusted and admired- he was a spiritual leader. How could he be duped into this? This really rocked my world and changed my opinion of leadership. It became a major trust issue. I mean if you can’t trust a pastor who can you trust?  This was a painful lesson that pride can creep into anyone’s life. In the midst of my joy and triumph having a baby- this was not the time to doubt God. Many months later,  God did use this tragedy- this moral failure to work out good in the church body. Sure, many families left which felt like losing family members but people deal with pain in different ways. I came away from this experience a little more guarded and less trusting of man, but reassured that God is not a man that He should lie. His promises are true and he never breaks His word. We have to respect the mantle God places on a leader, but it hurts when they fail us. It feels like such a betrayal. However, pastors and leaders are humans with a sin nature to crucify daily also. They do make mistakes.  Part of the issue is we put people on pedastals where only God belongs anyway. Pastors and spiritual leaders are people. They deserve honor and respect, but we cannot put them on a pedestal. When a leader fails you, and you are hurt and do not know who to trust, this I can promise you, God does not fail you. He can always be trusted to work anything out for your good if you let him.

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